Loss and sadness come hand in hand into your life, and at times, it’s far too much to handle.
It’s been a long while since I’ve taken a moment and written a blog post that wasn’t a cover reveal or new release. The past few months have been a roller coaster, and with each dip down, there have been a lot of moments that have lifted me. But over the past two weeks, the downs have come far too often and it’s hit me hard. It’s been difficult as I’ve dealt with loss, sadness, and pushing myself to move forward.
I’ve had three major losses in the past few months. Most may not understand this, but back in February/March, I had said goodbye to my one fur baby, we’d had her for eight years. She was my baby for all intents and purposes. And seeing her hurt so much broke me. I went offline to write. When I’m sad, my words pour out as part of my grieving process. I don’t know if I’ll ever publish that story, but it’s there. And it helped.
Then, just as I thought we’d be okay with our surviving fur baby, I was slammed with pain once more when I asked my husband to take him to the vet one morning because he wasn’t eating. Once more, I got the call a day later informing me that he was in a lot of pain with a tumor on his abdomen. Now, my little girl we’d lost was always a daddy’s girl, but Toby, he was my boy. He would wake me in the mornings with a gentle head butt. He’d ‘talk’ to me when we’d sit on the sofa. I chose him seven years ago, and we’d always said that he was my baby boy.
If you don’t have pets, you may think I’m just rambling on, perhaps I am, but the loss of him had hit me even harder than I’d anticipated. It’s been two weeks and I still cry. To say that I’m surviving on a fraying thread would not be an understatement. But I push through each day.
Then, yesterday I got a call nobody would like. My uncle, who was like a father I never had, had been pronounced brain dead. He was in an accident a few months ago, and the doctors have said there is nothing they can do. My aunt and two cousins had to make the decision to turn off the machines.
It’s strange when I think back to my great gran. When she was alive she always said that bad things comes in threes. The old school superstitions of the older people may have some merit. Who knows.
As time passes, the pain may ease, the memories however will always be there. Those we lose will always live in our hearts and that’s what I take with me as I move forward in the hope that the upcoming months of 2018 allow me a reprieve.
In saying that, it’s time to get back to writing all the words.